Every once in a while one gets a reminder of the strange times one lives in.
Today, over lunch, it was this item from Playmobil. Targeted at ages 4-7 (make sure you check out the secondary photos on the left hand side!)
And, in case you think your kid is too sheltered from the reality of perpetual war, there is also this.
These goals are, of course, to be qualified by “Lord willing”.
Do you have any reading goals for 2013?
I love being a father. “Father” is a bit on the formal side for my liking, so let’s make that “daddy” for now. I love the role even when it is unenjoyable. Sometimes the worst moments are the best moments!
For instance, what father–or mother for that matter–can think of early morning diaper changes without registering a slight twinge of pain buried deeply in their psyche. As they say, there are smells and sights that no one should see! And yet, the responsibility is really quite precious. And, I must ask, is there really anything on earth sweeter than those early morning smiles and coos that redeem it all? Even if it means tackling what must be the biggest instance of human excrement disposal known to mankind!? (Being daddy entitles me to a bit of hyperbole, I think.)
Can anything compare to the frustratingly delightful task of trying to prevent a pink-hooded leaf-eating-munchkin from doing what so naturally comes to her, eating the October leaves she’s playing in?
A father’s role is much different than a mother’s, and I would argue, much easier. It does, however, come with its own unique challenges. And, as it is the case with mothers, the very thing that would in any other context drive a guy nuts, become his very delight–at least a “dirty diaper” sort of delight.
There are many other double-edged realities to being a father which seem far more weighty than diaper changes or preventing leaf-eating. How about the fact that I am teaching my daughter every day, intentionally or unintentionally? That’s a big blessing. And a fearful responsibility. Umberto Eco once wrote in one of his novels: “I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us”. Fathers, chew on that one for a moment, and see if your knees don’t shake!
I never knew my father, and so even though becoming a father is what I wanted, the concept always seemed to be intimidating. I am encouraged to know that from here on, I can apply the lessons I’ve learned in the first seven months. That is more comforting to me than you can probably imagine. Quite the seven months its been, too!
Some time ago I read in an autobiography of Tolkien (by Mark Horne) that “Interesting studies show that people who have lost one or both parents are highly represented among creative people”. It is true! Many great writers have been orphans or fatherless or motherless. This seems a little too frequent to be a coincidence.
Here are some examples of orphans who have gone on to be great writers:
A review of Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman
Parents wanting to raise their kids thoughtfully and learn from different cultures will likely find this book helpful and entertaining. It’s a memoir by an American expatriate mother living in France, documenting her investigation of French parenting.
It’s not that I necessarily agree with everything here. I don’t think that’s the point. The idea isn’t that the French do parenting perfectly or that everyone should thoughtlessly copy them. Rather, the point is that while some French parenting practices may seem foreign to Americans, many of them really make sense and are very helpful and amazingly successful. And there is some clear evidence of better results.
Unlike many parenting books and memoirs, this book is actually written in a skillful, fun and fresh way. It is intimate and emotional but not overly sentimental either. Even though it describes a mom’s perspective, dads can enjoy it too! In fact, even if you never have had, and never will have, any children, it’s unlikely you’ll find this dull!
I. Fathering a newborn is
a spit-up filled shirt
arm asleep
rocking baby to sleep
an unfinished board game
a night gone away
perhaps it is a sleepless night.
II. Fathering a newborn is
dirty diapers
panicked moments
projectiles
cleaning up the floor
wondering what to do
sometimes worried.
III. Fathering a newborn is
being needed by two
being crucial to two
being loved by two.
IV. Fathering a newborn has
deep joys
sometimes exasperation
deep meaning
found in the mundane things
deep love
found in a baby’s faithful dependance
deep and significant duty
found in meeting basic needs.
V. Fathering a newborn is
finding out your wife is
nearly superhuman
precious and lovely.
VI. Fathering a newborn is
getting a few morning coos
from the bundle in your arms
and an admiring look
with eyes twinkling up at you
a smile in the morning
making one forget
everything difficult
everything hard
and the days fly by
as you watch the baby grow.
MJN
(some of these I’ve already known, but are now reinforced)
“Feed your children stories that will keep their eyes wide with wonder when they look out their front windows or wander their yards. Feed them stories of joy and hardship and courage and tragedy and triumph. Give them heroes, real and imagined. Give them a taste for goodness, for truth, for beauty.”
- From Stories are Soul Food: Don’t Let Your Children Hunger by N.D. Wilson