In an inevitable move this morning, Apple announced that Rudy Giuliani would be the successor to CEO Steve Jobs.
Apple announced that Rudy had plenty of experience handling the “Big Apple”, so directing the future as CEO of the little apple should be child’s play. Rudy has stated repeatedly that he’s looking forward to “a breath of fresh air” in Northern California, and the lack of term limits.
When asked about whether this had any impact on the possibility of a “Perry-Giuliani” presidential ticket, Rudy refused to answer directly and merely muttered a mysterious phrase “Look iVicePresidential?”
Speculations are swirling as to how Rudy will show himself “tough on crime” in the Apple community, which most reliable sources agree is filled with thugs and vagabonds. When asked what he could do for Apple, Rudy stated that during his mayorial career, his record on New York’s crime rate was an example of “the most focused form of policing in history” and that he would “take the iPhone desktop device to new unimagined heights”. “Believe, me, I have a legacy beyond 9/11 and Apple recognizes that. Why else would they pick me?”
When asked critical questions at the press conference about his lack of expertise, knowledge of, or passion for the Apple product line, Giuliani responded vigorously: “My technological affiliation, my geek knowledge and the devotion to Apple products, I leave to Steve Wozniak to judge.”
When Steve Wozniak, the co-founder of Apple, was asked about Giuliani he had a vigorous belly-laugh and narrowed his eyes and said, “I have an opinion, but remember I’m still technically an employee and a shareholder.” He continued to laugh and then said “Let’s just say that Rudy will never be inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame like I have. And he’s more of a Blackberry type of guy.”
Rudy refused to comment on Wozniak’s belly-laugh and has neither confirmed nor denied whether he will be wearing a turtleneck.
Despite obvious differences, there are some interesting similarities between Rudolph William Louis “Rudy” Giuliani and Steven Paul “Steve” Jobs. However, marketing analyst Coleen Card doubts whether Rudy can fill Steve’s turtleneck and present the sort of “cool” image that Apple needs.
Disassociated Press, August 26, 2011
I have a feeling it will. Much of what the company does is so baffling, I can’t see any sane successor carrying on his policies. I smirk and laugh at anyone using Apple products of any kind, there’s no better way to tell me you’re a moron than using that. If I were a criminal, I imagine anyone using an Apple should be a prime target because there’s no better way to tell someone you have a lot of money and don’t know what to do with it!